Encouragement for Single Parents

Ladies & Gents - it matters not whether you are a single parent or not, staying involved in our kids lives is crucial.

Over and over I hear people conversing about kids from single-parent homes. There seems to be this justification for all the wrong social and behavioral skills that single-parent children exemplify. I work in schools remember? I can't tell you how many times I've overheard a conversation about "Little Johnny" or "Little Suzy" and why their behavior is what it is, but then it's justified because poor little Suzy is from a single-parent home.

Okay STOP! Single parents - we HAVE to stay on top of things. We have to keep tabs on our kids at all times. Don't let yourself become weak in that arena. I want to encourage you to get tough - because your children's futures are in your hands. I know it's exhausting. We walk around like zombies due to fatigue and we never feel like there's even a moment to have our own thoughts. I get it. But hang in there, because if we raise our children correctly, they won't live with us forever! Then we can rest.

Here are some helpful tips: 1) Communicate adequately with your children's teachers. Hey folks, there's email these days. It's quick and easy. 2) Don't pull the "I'm a single parent" card all the time. Do you want people feeling sorry for you? Do you want people holding your children to lower standards as compared to children of unbroken homes? 3)If there is an issue with your child's behavior, work with their teacher(s) to overcome that trial. Let your child see that you and his/her teacher are on the same page. Both of you need to support each other. It takes a village remember? 4)When someone offers to help, TAKE IT! You can't do this on your own.

Take heart! You have the power to raise up a very integral part of the future's society - a responsible, intelligent & compassionate adult.

What comes around, goes around...

So, I received a phone call from my ex-husband the other day. It seems the I.R.S. has garnished his tax return for guess what? You got it, back child support. His entire tax return will be coming to me and kids soon. Sure, I can use the money. Extra green is always helpful! But something in me feels very bad about this. The guy's been out of work for a while, but then, this is something that went off and on for YEARS in our marriage...

So tell me, am I a victim of guilt? Should I send back a portion of the return with hopes he'll stay on top of child support from now on?

We made it!

It's Friday. I LOVE Fridays! I am a substitute teacher. And on Friday afternoon, just shortly before the dismissal bell rings, my body, mind & spirit begin to decompress. I know that after that bell rings, I can get in my car, go home to my children, and simply be at home. That means the world to me.

As I reflect on the week that has now passed, I wonder how I made it through. Every day held a challenge of it's own. But in the end, everything that needed to be done, was indeed done. Does that mean that everything I wanted to accomplish was so? Absolutely not! The laundry is still sitting in the basket, the carpet stains still need to be cleaned and the dog still needs a bath. But the kids are all tucked in to their warm and cozy beds, and for today, they are all healthy.

As I reflect, I am reminded of the important things; that despite the chaos and exhaustion that come with solo parenting of three children, I can recall that we had dinner around the table every night this week, we read stories on a few nights, we talked positively about the future, and most importantly, we hugged each other every day. Nothing else matters. We made it through another week!

Sometimes you have to be tricky

So one of the things that I've found was good for my daugher's Fibromyalgia is an herb called milk thistle. It is good for cleaning out the liver and intestinal tract - thereby cleaning out toxins. She won't take it in pill form because the pills are too large and won't go down. Recently, I found it in tea bags.

Upon brewing the new milk thistle tea, we found that it had little to no flavor. Unfortunately, my daughter won't let anything touch her lips that doesn't have a good taste - not to mention the other two as well.

My kids drink a LOT of iced tea. So, I put the milk thistle tea in with the green tea bags and brew them together. From that concoction, I make a great iced tea by adding more [filtered] water and sugar or Agave Nectar to taste.

We will overcome...

A whole new set of challenges face my family now. It started out slowly with my daughter; a spastic bladder condition at an early age, mild pain here and there, strange bumps under the skin, and terrible migraine headaches. "Is it normal for a teenager to be experiencing such ailments?" I would ask my friends. "Or maybe she is just a hypochondriac..." I'd think. But when the pain became too much for her we sought out medical advice. I didn't realize at the time that we would have to fight this monster for the rest of her life. It hit us like a brick a few months ago. Many blood tests and MRI's later, we received the diagnosis that my teenage daughter has Fibromyalgia. Oh man!

For weeks afterwards I felt nothing but guilt. This is a girl who complained about EVERYTHING! I really did not think anything was wrong with her. When I finally got my head out of the clouds and back down to reality, the mother bear came out in me. I knew we had to fight ~ I was not about to let thing overcome us, control us.

As I began to read about Fibromyalgia, I found it quite interesting that patients experience a higher degree of pain as compared to their healthy counterparts. She was indeed encountering a degree of pain that was too much for her. There is an increase in the flow of blood to her brain - a specific part of the brain, that increases the sensitivity to pain. I knew that the first thing we needed to do was inhibit the pain so that she could gain control of her life again.

I focused on educating myself about Fibro. With every spare moment, I was reading a book or researching on the internet. My biggest fear was that she would be on medication(s) for the rest of her life. That idea has NEVER set well with me, ever! This is what led me to make dietary changes not only for my daughter, but for the whole family. I have made some amazing discoveries about the the chemicals and additives that affect our bodies & minds through the food and drink that we allow into our systems.

Hence, much of the reason for this blog. With all this new insight, the only thing that I can think of is to share it. My hope is that what I am able to share in the coming days and months, will help others with their own personal monsters. Through a terrible diagnosis, I have found that an organic lifestyle aids in the healing and the well-being of not only my oldest's body, but it's so good for the entire family. I have three children, by the way... We are all reaping the benefits. I find myself wishing I'd made the switch to organic years ago. If you recall, in an earlier post I wrote about the importance of taking care of ourselves as single parents so that in turn, we will take better care of children? Organic living is the key! More is to come...

When to rest...

One of the things I've found as a single parent, even one in a relationship, is that there is NEVER any time "to myself." My youngest is up before I am and my oldest is going to bed as late as I am. By the time I am ready to settle down and just think about a few things, I can't! My mind becomes mush! When my head hits the pillow at night, I am out like a light. So when does it come? The time, that is....

I am dating a wonderful man. Well, dating? We can't really call it that. We do life together; as much life as time will allow. We don't live together and we opt for it to be that way. There isn't much time for "dating." And really, as a single parent, I have to make my kids my priority so I don't go out galavanting around town much, with out them. But then, what was I saying earlier about, time to myself?

I think that if I can manage getting myself alone here and there, I might find that I'm a better mom and partner afterwards. But how? Any suggestions?

Hey Single Parents --Do you feel like you wear a brand across your forehead that shouts, "I am a pathetic single parent!" If you do slip up and tell someone new that you are indeed a single parent, do you get a sad response like, "Oooooh, bless your heart!" Ugh! I can't stand it ~ It's all good people. I will rise above the defeat and conquer this monster if it kills me.

I guess at first, single-parenting was the toughest thing I'd ever encountered. And yes, it still is. But you know what, it doesn't have to define me. It doesn't have to become me. Instead, I can let it strengthen me. And from that will flow a fountain of strength to my children.

Bring your happy and sad stories. Find out how other single-parents are dealing with tough issues. Share in honesty. Don't stand in judgement. Let's help each other.